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Eldred's testimonial
With regards to Gaming and Gaming addiction: Eldred de Beer
I was 38 when I finally faced the truth: I had spent more than two decades hiding from pain—numbing it with a controller in my hand. Over 30,000 hours of my life were lost to gaming. Not as a casual hobby, but as a desperate escape. An addiction. One that nearly cost me everything—my marriage, my relationship with my son, and my sense of who I was.
It didn’t start with games. It started with trauma.
From a young age, my life was marked by loss. I was exposed to death, abandonment, and instability at a time when I should have been building safety and trust. Instead, I learned that nothing—and no one—was guaranteed to stay. The result? My understanding of love and connection became warped. I didn’t believe in unconditional love because I hadn’t experienced it. What I learned instead was conditional love—that value came through performance, approval, and what I could achieve. To be loved, I had to earn it.
Then, when I was just 16, my father took his own life.
That moment shattered me. It confirmed what I had already come to believe—that trust wasn’t real, and love would always leave. I didn’t know how to process the grief. I didn’t know how to talk about it. So I did what many wounded people do: I shut down. I buried it deep, built walls around my heart, and kept moving. But pain has a way of demanding to be felt—and when we don’t face it, we find ways to numb it. Gaming became that way for me.
What I didn’t understand then—but see clearly now—is that every child is born with deep emotional needs: to be seen, heard, and valued. We all long for recognition, affirmation, acceptance, belonging, and a sense of purpose. These needs aren’t luxuries—they’re emotional oxygen. And when they go unmet in real life, we go looking for substitutes. Gaming provides these things instantly. In a matter of seconds, I could feel recognized, important, successful, and connected. I was validated through performance and rewarded with progression. But it was a cheap substitute — a digital illusion that never truly filled the void.
Inside the game, I was powerful. I could achieve. I could control. I could be seen and celebrated without the risk of rejection. I built a false sense of identity through digital success, a place where performance equaled worth. But it was all an illusion—and it came at a devastating cost.
My first marriage fell apart. Not because I was abusive or unfaithful, but because I was emotionally absent. I was in the room but not present. My wife needed a partner, someone engaged and grounded. I gave her someone detached, sedated by screens. She deserved more than what I had become.
Worse still, my son is still young—but the years of distraction have already left a mark. He may not fully understand it yet, but the absence was real. I wasn’t the steady presence he needed. I gave him a version of myself dulled by digital sedation—distracted, reactive, and emotionally distant. Now that I’m finally waking up, I see how much trust needs to be rebuilt. The gap between us doesn’t close just because I’ve changed. It takes effort, consistency, and humility. He still needs a father—not just in the room but fully engaged in his life. He’s worth that effort—and I’m committed to it.
The truth is that gaming wasn’t the root issue. It was a symptom. The real problem was a wounded identity—formed by years of trauma, fatherlessness, and conditional love. I was trying to medicate emotional pain with digital dopamine. And until I faced the root, nothing on the surface would ever change.
I stopped gaming when I was 38 years old. And from that point on, everything shifted. I’ve spent the last eight years dedicating my life to understanding gaming addiction—its psychology, its grip on the brain, and the devastating spiritual consequences. I’ve studied neuroscience, behavioral conditioning, and the manipulative mechanics used by developers to keep players hooked. But I also went deeper, exploring how gaming distorts identity, weakens spiritual hunger, and disconnects us from our God-given purpose.
That journey—first through addiction, then through deep study and healing—has shaped who I am today. It’s equipped me to speak into this space with both lived experience and knowledge. I understand this struggle from the inside. And now, I help others navigate their way out — especially young people and parents who feel helpless in the face of this silent epidemic.
But even with all that understanding, healing didn’t come from willpower or research alone. My turning point came through divine intervention. At my lowest, the Holy Spirit began to stir something back to life. He reawakened dreams and passions I had buried. He brought light into places I thought were dead. God didn’t just help me quit gaming—He started restoring who I truly was beneath the addiction.
And by God’s grace, I was given a second chance at marriage. This time, I entered it whole, present, and aware of what it means to love and be loved. My wife is a gift I don’t take for granted. Our marriage is built on honesty, faith, and shared purpose—and I am extremely blessed. Where once addiction ruled, there is now peace. Where there was avoidance, there is now connection. I don’t deserve this redemption, but I receive it with gratitude every single day.
I’ve learned that gaming addiction, like most addictions, grows out of emotional wounds—especially father wounds. When we don’t know who we are, or whose we are, we chase false identities. And in today’s world, screens offer the fastest way to escape the ache.
But real healing can’t be downloaded, it must be lived moment by moment, day by day, with courage and truth.
I’m no longer hiding. I’ve learned to be present. To feel again. To reconnect—with my son, with others, and with the man I was always meant to be.
If you resonate with this, hear me clearly: you’re not broken beyond repair. You’re wounded—but wounds can heal. And there is a life worth living on the other side of the screen.
A United Front: Why Schools are Our First Line of Defense
At Reboot, we fundamentally believe that safeguarding our children’s digital well-being requires a collaborative and integrated approach. While parental guidance is indispensable, the school environment plays an equally vital, and often underestimated, role in shaping healthy digital habits.
The reality in South Africa presents a unique challenge: our current legislation has not yet fully caught up with the rapid pace of technological advancement, especially concerning the comprehensive regulation of children’s digital lives. This creates a significant gap where children can be vulnerable to the detrimental effects of excessive screen time and unchecked online exposure.
This legislative vacuum elevates the school’s position to a critical first line of defense working together with parents. Children spend a substantial portion of their day at school, making it an ideal environment to:
- Educate Teachers and Parents: By equipping educators with knowledge and tools to understand the impact of digital media on child development, they can become proactive champions of digital well-being in the classroom. Similarly, educating parents through a ReBOOT workshop ensures consistency and reinforces positive practices at home.
- Combat Excessive Screen Time: Schools can implement policies and create environments that naturally limit screen exposure during the school day, providing a structured break from digital devices.
- Promote Time Off Screens: Beyond simply reducing screen time, schools are uniquely positioned to actively re-introduce and prioritize essential non-digital activities. This includes:
- Re-introducing Play: Fostering unstructured, imaginative play during breaks and in the curriculum is crucial for cognitive, social, and emotional development, skills often stunted by excessive screen time.
- Prioritizing Sport and Physical Activity: Encouraging and facilitating engagement in physical education and sports not only combat sedentary habits linked to screens but also builds physical health, teamwork, resilience, and emotional regulation.
- Foster Digital Literacy and Resilience: While managing screen time, schools can also be proactive in teaching responsible digital citizenship, critical thinking about online content, and strategies for navigating the complexities of the internet safely.
By recognising schools as a central pillar in this ecosystem, we can create a powerful, united front that proactively protects our children, nurtures their holistic development, and empowers them to thrive in an increasingly digital world, even as our legislative framework continues to evolve.
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